I knew something was not right! My emotions were out of whack and I would cry about everything. Although I do consider myself to be sensitive, something about my sensitivity was too “extra” even for me. I thought perhaps my period was on the horizon, but with my period, one can never be so sure since it is so irregular. You might say, “Well, maybe you’re pregnant?” My answer to that…NOT!!! Night time was the worse. I felt like an extra sassy, sexy me but there was no one to act this out on and still honor God so it is definitely something I felt I needed to take a look at it. It was time to go to the doctor.
I went to my primary care doctor; he did not have many answers to my situation and immediately urged me to see a gynecologist. Since I have not had the best experiences with gynecologists in the past, I was very hesitant to go see one. I reached out to my friend circle and told them about my experiences and one of them highly recommended a woman by the name of Dr. Williams. Her office was a bit of a distance from my house, but for my health and peace of mind I made the drive.
When Dr. Williams called me into her office and introduced herself and her practice I immediately felt at ease. She asked me a series of questions to find out as much as she could about me. I had never experienced anything like this before, but she expressed that it was normal practice for her to do this with new patients so that she could learn about them and their general health. After our consultation, she took me to another room for a full examination. She was so thorough. She did a breast exam and pap smear. She ordered blood work, which was able to be performed in her office. She also ordered a pelvic ultrasound.
Next, she had real conversation with me. I am overweight and have been for quite some time. My weight fluctuates with my emotions. She looked at me with concern and told me straight out that I needed to lose weight. The moment the Doctor said those words I recalled similar words that had been spoken to me at church, months prior, on the day of my ordination. The words were from a woman highly respected, a woman who I had never met before. She said, “You know what to do to lose weight. It’s time.”
I left the office a little emotional, but excited that something was being done to help resolve my issues.
After the series of tests were performed, I went back later and it was confirmed that I have PCOS, which she had suspected based on my history of irregular periods, hormonal changes, and facial hair growth.
Other symptoms includes: sleep apnea, stiffness, image issues, depression, and emotional instability, but there is hope. One of the first things I must conqueor is weight loss. I know I cannot do this alone so I pray daily. I have been asking God for direction concerning avenues I need to take in order to see results. So far it has not been easy, but I am seeing results.
I started this new journey on July 5, 2017 weighing 246.6 pounds, and as of July 27, 2017 I am 239.8 pounds. Yay, for progress!!!
The beginning of the journey did not involve any exercise, although I am looking to begin a regimen soon. The beginning of this journey has had more to do with my relationship with God. I had to realize that God is just as concerned with my wellbeing as I am and is actually more concerned about it than I am. He loves me that much.
I had been allowing the voice of depression to speak louder to me than God’s voice. But, I realize now that I am loved. It’s not about what I feel. I am loved. Period. This has motivated me to become UNSTUCK and move forward. As a result I have been spending more time with God. I am getting back to Bible reading, and back to the discipline of gratefulness. Each day I write down what I am grateful for. My list cannot include any complaints or long stories. I just write about what I am grateful for. On the rough days, I simply write “grateful to be alive” or “grateful to have gotten through today.”
My eating has shifted. I am more conscious of what I am putting in my mouth, and making time to sit down and eat rather than eat in my car. While cooking may not be a fan favorite, it is better. I picked up a rotisserie chicken, a head of romaine lettuce, tomatoes, black beans and rice on Monday. I cut up the chicken, lettuce, and tomatoes and put them in separate zip lock bags so that I can make a salad for lunch throughout the week. Deprivation has never worked for me so I do have either a Little Debbie Nutty Buddy or some cookies (not the whole container) to fulfill that sweets craving. I also drink water. At night when I find myself hungry for something good, the voice of discipline speaks. I may want to go for the sugary snack, but I have been going for a bowl of high fiber cereal to curb that urge. It takes a while to break a habit, but there is a sense of urgency this time.
The most important thing I realize is that PCOS does not rule me, neither does depression. I am depending heavily on God as I travel this road. The weight loss also has to stay in its place. Losing weight cannot become an idol. While it is definitely a goal of mine, losing weight is not my driving force. God is and no matter what, my focus has to remain on Him. It has also proved beneficial to speak about it openly to those in my circle so that I do not feel alone in the journey.
I hope this story has encouraged someone.
Until next time,
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